


with a smile

by jeonu



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, have i said that i loved these two very much, i live for soft soonhoon, i love my best friend shout out to my best friend, its just me watering the soonhoon tag again, jihoon is the best, kinda based on irl feelings, no i swear we all have to make a collective trip to the dentist after this, soonyoung is just a good boy with a good heart, wrote this instead of sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:54:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26715571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonu/pseuds/jeonu
Summary: soonyoung's heart is a little too heavy for him to hold on one quiet night. luckily, jihoon is just right beside him.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 34





	with a smile

_thump_. soonyoung initially planned to flop on the bed, but he had other ideas. said idea included lying directly on top of his boyfriend, ultimately squishing jihoon and getting the perfect chance to hug him to the fullest extent.

jihoon groans as soonyoung's body weighed on top of him like a huge rock. "soonyoung, get off me. you literally have an entire space of the bed to yourself."

a huff. soonyoung rolls on his respective side and pouts. "not fair, jihoonie! we only get to cuddle at like, three times a day at the most and you treat me like this?"

jihoon smiles at soonyoung's playful outburst. he also can't help but notice the way his heart sped up in his chest and the way he automatically lit up with a smile at the sight of soonyoung's beyond-than-adorable expression. it's endearing to know soonyoung still had that effect on him.

"okay, just kidding." jihoon laughs in a tiny little whisper. soonyoung laughs, too, eyes crinkling into an upside down smile in the midst of the darkness. his smile really was something, jihoon would always think. _a beacon in the darkness. endless abyss of light. heaven's front door. warm hands curled around your fingers, making a portal to another fulfilling promise. the humid hair after the summer rain. blankets that came just out of the dryer. embraces that can suck all the sadness out of you. bright, comforting music, an enthusiastic song that could somehow be interpreted into a lullaby. home._

soonyoung wiggles a little closer to him. warmth radiates off him like he's some sort of celestial body ( _and in jihoon's defense, soonyoung really was_ ) despite the multiple layers of sweaters stacked upon his skin. not that either of them are complaining. by the time the two have closed off all the remaining space in between them, their body heat pressed together combined with the slight chilliness from the pillows made just the perfect temperature of warmth that you could melt in. 

(and jihoon really does).

they don't talk much. it's nearing one in the morning, and they've just gotten back from the studio after soonyoung had coerced jihoon into taking some time off and resting. there's this indescribable feeling of comfort in cleaning up the studio (jihoon shutting off his equipment, soonyoung turning off the lights and taking out the trash) and walking back home beneath twinkling lights and the crisp air. in getting back home to the coziness of the dorms, where a movie would be playing by a member's room and they'd all be laughing like idiots. in showering, preparing each other's clothes, stealing kisses, falling into bed with each other. in feeling the lump of worries in your heart and the tears behind your eyes will away, because despite your lonely, lonely existence in this world as a speck of dust, there's still someone out there who loves you. in knowing that the person who'd love you through literal storms laid beside you, eyes holding the light of a thousand stars and mouth so easy to spill out beautiful dreams and kiss the life out of.

maybe it's the familiarity of it all or the easy routine that comforts jihoon, as well as soonyoung. maybe. 

jihoon wouldn't really want to figure that out right now. maybe next time. for now, what was more important was feeling the buzz of heat sear across his skin, basking in the warmth of soonyoung's lips as he grinned like crazy against jihoon's neck.

"what?" jihoon blurted out to soonyoung (who was buried in jihoon's chest), sounding more lovesick than he had intended to. "hey. you look like a madman."

"i am a madman," soonyoung cheekily replied. he looked up to jihoon with the biggest smile on his face, and jihoon can't help but break out into the cheesiest smile too. "your madman," soonyoung added, as if he couldn't make jihoon blush even further.

a snort. "fucking right, you are." 

soonyoung only lays his head on jihoon's chest. "good to know."

and they stay like that. it's quiet outside, the sounds of the movie already finishing and the members heading back to their beds. the air conditioner rattles a bit. jihoon's breathing is soft, soonyoung's tiny little hums are soothing. he's humming a different song, nothing like jihoon's ever heard before—it's probably from another country or another anime ost—but it makes the both of them smile. jihoon gently places his hands around soonyoung's neck, moving to card through his soft hair, and soonyoung only burrows his face into jihoon's chest even more. there's another smile on his face. it's endearing.

in the midst of it all—the quiet, the comforting, the loving—tears came by as well.

jihoon hears soonyoung sniffling faster than any sound he's ever picked up on in his life. with calm hands and a steady voice, jihoon cups soonyoung's face. "hey. you okay, soonie?"

soonyoung sniffles and wipes his tears on his sleeve. it makes jihoon's heart hurt (every time soonyoung cries, it really does) but the smile on soonyoung's face gently eased that pain away. it doesn't make jihoon any less wary, though. 

"no, it's okay," soonyoung slightly slurs, coming out in small whispers and in between silent breaths. "i-i'm just...i..."

jihoon thumbs his tears away. "take your time. it's okay to cry it out."

and he does. there's no second words before soonyoung came crashing into jihoon's arms, tears slipping out of his eyes one after another. it's not quiet, and soonyoung is a trembling mess. strangled noises come flying out of his mouth, and he's hiccuping by the time his breathing evens out and the fall of the tears in his eyes subside. there are still tears trailing his cheeks, though, once he lifts his eyes and sees jihoon smiling at him like he hung the moon.

"would you like to tell me?" jihoon offers, thumb warm on soonyoung's wrist. everywhere is warm. _warm, warm, warm_. inside their chests and pulsating out their bodies, drawing them together. 

soonyoung takes a breath. he doesn't say anything after a beat, and only stares at jihoon with wide, puffy eyes. he looked so beautiful.

"hey, this is pretty stupid, but..." there's a laugh when soonyoung trails off. jihoon frowns when soonyoung says _stupid_ , as if that's the only adjective that could describe the brilliant workings of his brain, the genuine sweetness of his heart. all that makes up of him is indescribable, even to the greatest poets and writers and artists in the world. soonyoung must've caught on jihoon's train of thought, for at the sight of jihoon's gaze, he breaks out into a little smile and shakes his head, breathless. "okay, okay. but it's...i don't know, kinda—"

"no need to be shy, honey," jihoon whispers. soonyoung reddens a bit and laughs. tears well up and they reflect like starlight in his eyes. 

"i'll try." soonyoung nods, sniffling again. he sits there for a moment, contemplating on what to say. mostly getting distracted by the curve of jihoon's smile and the pinkness of his lips. soonyoung kinda wanted to kiss him. he does. soonyoung wanted to kiss him longer, but he might end up crying again if he did. so he simply took a breath and blinked twice to clear his head. his heart leaps in his chest when he starts talking.

"ji, you know that feeling of sudden, really lonely emptiness? the one where everything doesn't feel right. when your life is like...this bad, black-and-white movie. everything is dull. unsaturated. and it's like—it's kinda like...not boring, but not really exciting either. it's out of the ordinary. like sitting in the practice room at three in the morning with nothing to do, your chest devoid of drive and passion and energy. and...and it feels so—so _painful_ because you don't even know why you're feeling that way. what caused it. why you suddenly feel so moody and unmotivated and you can't get anything done and that shit is just so _tiring_ because that's not who you are."

soonyoung pauses. hot liquid drops from his eyes. jihoon reaches out, not saying a word, gently patting soonyoung's cheeks dry with the sleeve of his hoodie. there's a long pause, and jihoon allows soonyoung cry onto his shoulder again, letting him soak up in the warmth of his embrace and the comfort of his presence. jihoon doesn't have to speak when he wants to say _and that's alright. it's okay to suddenly feel bursts of unmotivation, when you fall into a slump and everything feels dull. these moments still build up for the path that leads us to better days. and besides, i'm always here to be with you, right? the members are always here for you. this is kinda hypocritical, coming from me, but it's alright to take breaks from time to time. we can't always be going at it with our maximum energy, we can't always be constantly giving it our 100 all the times. sometimes it's okay to just do simple things and rest from what drives you. don't worry, okay? we can get through this together."_

jihoon doesn't utter the entire paragraph—only the simplest, most direct sentences from it—but soonyoung gets the rest of the message when jihoon lightly presses a kiss right under soonyoung's eye and effectively kisses the tears away. it makes soonyoung laugh, sniffling lightly and giggling wetly. jihoon's lips only quirk up into a smile.

"i love you," soonyoung whispers, face shining in the moonlight. "i love you. this is the exact reason why—why i always smile like a dumbass or a madman around you. this is the exact reason why i love you, hoonie. my goodness, fuck, i'm so in love with you."

jihoon laughs and pats his cheek. "you're making my insides feel all wild, you know. i love you too."

soonyoung smiles even more. he purses his lips and quiets down for a moment, taking time to lay down by jihoon's side. "...you know that i felt like shit this afternoon. i really, really tried to mask it but everything felt so draining and nothing sat right with me...nothing could help too, not even singing or dancing or watching random videos. not even trying to cry to really stupid sad love songs. i don't know what i could do to get rid of that stupid feeling clawing up my heart. and...and then there was you, and i forgot about it. remember when i made the awesomely amazing decision to come visit you in your studio for cuddles and possibly cry in your arms? the perfect solution to scare the feeling in my heart away. also, having a conversation about bruno mars performing on mars with you at one a.m greatly helped, too. "

"what happened to the visiting me for cuddles and to possibly cry in my arms? we only reenacted bruno's encore stage on mars earlier."

"well, i did that just now," soonyoung grinned lopsidedly. a small tear, of warmth and joy more than anything else, slips out of his eye. jihoon is there to kiss it away.

and then soonyoung laughs again. it feels like butterflies dancing around you and in your belly, a stream of light flowing abundantly around you among flowers and trees. jihoon chuckles fondly, too. maybe placing a kiss under soonyoung's eye tickled him. needless to say, laughing together felt like heaven. maybe no one can really be too happy in this life. 

"i'm so thankful for you, jihoonie," soonyoung mumbles against jihoon's side. it's all quiet once again, and the space in soonyoung's lungs is clear. easy. he felt like he could breathe again. "always. forever. on some days i think how i could've pulled through if it weren't for you."

jihoon hums. "you know i feel and think the same way, too."

they close the space between them again. somewhere in the middle, soonyoung bumps his forehead with jihoon's, and he places a kiss under jihoon's eye, too, once a warm tear had found its way down jihoon's cheeks.

"come on, we gotta sleep. we don't need to wake up early tomorrow anyways."

they do. jihoon and soonyoung rest fully in each others' arms, curled up in the warmth of how big their love for each other had become.

soonyoung hums a little for a bit again, still dazedly grinning and patting jihoon's head. and _oh, how he so deeply cherished the man in his arms,_ jihoon thinks. _in scalding tears and thrumming chests, in abounding smiles and fiery kisses. through foggy nights and stormy paths, through sunshine hugs and warm, clear days._

 _we'll get by_ , is the last thing jihoon thinks before his eyes flutter shut. _with a smile._

**Author's Note:**

> oshi, if youre reading this, i'll always be ur number one supporter in all ur shenanigans and endeavours. ily to the nine planets and back <3
> 
> title and the song hoshi was humming is from eraserheads' _with a smile_. it's seriously one of the best songs ever. i mean holy shit the line "now it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye" is TOP TIER pls do give it a listen!!
> 
> thank you for reading!


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